6. Suffering and Victory
Book 1: Global Unity Through True Parents
Part 1: The Life of Hak Ja Han Moon as True Mother
Chapter 6: Suffering and Victory
Indomitable faith, determination, and perseverance
Since you understand who Father is, all of you may think I am very happy. You may simply think I am perfect in every respect. You may think, "Because God created you to be like that, and since from the beginning you were born perfect, you were chosen for the position of True Mother without needing to make any effort of your own.” Your general view of me might be that since I am married to Father and am the True Mother of the entire cosmos, I must have a happy family and be enjoying my life. This is far from the reality. Father walked the path of the cross and suffered immensely in order to stand in his position. Therefore, I in my own way also had to carry a difficult cross.
When I look back and think about my circumstances in those days and the course I walked, I cannot hold back my tears. My tears become uncontrollable. To talk about my past life is very painful, because the memories of my trials and tribulations vividly reappear.
It is unbearable even to think about the path I walked. It was a succession of trials that caused suffering difficult to endure. Just as God tested Father after He chose him, God did the same to me, again and again. And just as Satan tested Father and Jesus, he also tested me. Women may be weak compared to men, yet still I had to pass through severe and intense trials, comparable to what the Messiah passed through. (1977.05.03, Belvedere Training Center)
I grew up like a beautiful flower in a greenhouse, in the most peaceful surroundings and atmosphere. After the Holy Wedding, it was like I had been plucked out of the greenhouse and thrown into a desert. I was living in an environment like a desert. Everywhere I went it was like the rough sea had gone crazy. There were all kinds of temptations and tests around me, and many troubles swirling around. I was like a little sailboat on a rugged sea.
But during this period I felt the grace of God constantly upon me. When I was in agony God revealed Himself to me and gave me messages and guidance. When I was not receiving such guidance from Him directly God used the people around me, loving people, people taking care of me. Through them God gave me constant guidance, daily instruction, and leadership. Those days were a tremendous ordeal of difficulties and tribulations, but at the same time those days were truly most beautiful, a time of grace when God's presence was indeed with me.
During the growth period I was much worried about reaching perfection, but now that that period has ended and I have reached the standard desired by Heaven, I look back upon that time and realize that all my memories of hardships have been transformed into ones of joy. I was always able to have profound dialogues and exchanges with True Father. In other words, between True Father and I, there were endless topics of conversation and infinite understanding. We held unceasing dialogues with complete trust in one another. Without having to say many words, True Father and I understood each other's situations perfectly.
This was because the circumstances True Father passed through were identical to the path I had trodden, so much so that it was almost uncanny. True Father and I had an insightful understanding of the one, common purpose, for which we endured everything with indomitable faith and fought against all hardships, and we feel triumphant because we have reached the standard of perfection where Satan cannot invade us in any way. This feeling of triumph we feel when True Father and I look at each other is a source of infinite consolation and comfort to me.
There is one more thing I want to say to you. Through many experiences with God, I came to learn a great deal about how He accomplishes the Will. In my life I truly have traveled to both heaven and hell. I came to realize that both kinds of experiences, not just one or the other, were necessary to completely mature my character and make me the person God expects me to be.
If I had experienced only the joys of heaven, I would not be able to deeply appreciate the taste oflife in the kingdom of heaven, and therefore I would not be grateful for it. I had to travel even to the very bottom of hell and experience its bitter taste. Countless times I said, "I do not have the strength to continue on this difficult path any more. I absolutely cannot take another step. It is impossible. God! Why are You telling me to go this path?" I was required to have endurance and determination. I needed to have truly unwavering faith that would never fray. These qualities, I believe, are what made me who I am today.
I am telling you that when you are on your way to the kingdom of heaven, you should not expect to experience only aspects of heaven. In fact, you must anticipate experiencing aspects of hell. You must absolutely anticipate that you will also travel to the rock bottom of hell, to the dungeons of hell. But I can assure you that these experiences are truly the most precious, for they will guide you to feel God's grace. When you go through such a course, you will be able to stand more firmly and be a more mature person. Your character and your spirituality will become well-rounded. And you will be able to feel the kingdom of heaven deep down in your bone marrow. Such personal experiences will always be your pride. (1977.05.03, Belvedere Training Center)
Suffering at Danbury and Heung-jin nim’s Seonghwa
When True Father left for Danbury, I was devastated and distressed. Realizing that we would be parted for quite a while, there was only darkness before me and all energy was drained from my body. I could not help but say to him, "I never dreamed that something like this could happen. Not even for a moment did I think that you would have to go to Danbury, and now that it has actually happened, I don't know what to do.” True Father, however, spoke to our children all day, telling them repeatedly, "Don't worry about me, because I will never lose in real life.” When I heard him say that, I was able to set my mind at ease.
True Father told me that when I saw how things turned out, I would offer prayers of gratitude. His words conveyed his firm conviction that he would transform this suffering into a victory. In fact, he said that the way would be opened by which America and the world can be saved. I want to ask you all to join forces and do everything you can to carry out what True Father desires of you quickly, and make it a great success, so that True Father can be released as soon as is reasonably possible. I truly hope that you will devote yourselves to fulfilling your external responsibilities, in addition to offering prayers internally, which is a matter of course.
I came back renewing my resolution to bring about the day on which True Father can return with joy as quickly as possible, by devoting all our energies into what we need to do. I hope that you in particular will faithfully carry out your given tasks and attain many great and wonderful achievements. I know that everyone has set a prayer time for True Father, and the truth is that I wanted to fast and pray for him with our eldest son, but Father told us not to do so. He said, though, that we may fast on Sunday together, and so we should fast only on Sunday and not on any other day. The thought that my fasting would cause True Father even more worries made me answer him, "I will do as you have asked.” (1984.07.21, East Garden)
I would like to ask all of you to have a movement of true repentance before Heaven. This day, July 20, 1984, is a day I truly would like to erase from history forever. From the very moment Father departed for Danbury, he encouraged you and tried to inspire you with hope.
Departing from East Garden at 10:00 p.m. on July 20, I accompanied him to Danbury Prison. Biting my lip, I held firm to my resolve to be strong, yet I could not hold back the tears that flowed even without my realizing it. During that ride, Father was not the least bit concerned about what would happen to him. Even as he thought about America and God's providence, his only concern in that moment was to comfort me. When I saw that, I was overwhelmed; I did not know what to do.
When Father walked into Danbury Prison, the guards said, "This guy was caught in a trap. I'm sure he was trapped.” Father kept saying, "I came to this place to liberate the prison, liberate hell. So, Mother, you must not cry for me. Cry out for the mission, for the fulfillment of God's Will. That's what you should do. Don't worry about me. I came to fulfill a glorious mission, the liberation of hell in prison.” In giving you this message today, I have one purpose, and one purpose only: that you now become responsible leaders. You must conduct yourselves, conduct your mission with utmost responsibility, as you never have before.
You are living in the time contemporary with our True Parents—breathing the same air, walking in the same space, drinking the same water, sharing the same food. Whatever you do, it is a unique opportunity in history, and your deeds shall be recorded in history. What kind of statement can you make to our posterity? I think most of you here are blessed family members. You must reflect within yourselves, re-examine yourselves. Let us repent totally and renew ourselves and approach Heaven with a clear heart. (1984.07.22, East Garden)
I believe you have also heard True Father say many times that he will perish without a foundation. The path followed by True Father from the position of the Parent on behalf of Heaven is the path where he must embrace the world, and it is a path of suffering and the path of the cross, for he has to walk this path unprepared because his children have failed to make everything ready. This path, however, is also the path of love. During this time, before anything else, you need to sincerely repent and unite.
Of course, for individuals, it is important for them to become one centering on the Will at the place where their minds and bodies are united. From your viewpoint as the children, it may be difficult and troublesome for brothers and sisters to unite, but it is something that we must all do. Therefore, if three people in a trinity unite completely centering on True Parents in a place where they have dominion over their own selves, and work to expand the foundation, the providence will surely be realized. In the four position foundation, which can be said to be a miniature of the world, the horizontal number is the number three.
When three horizontal people of the four position foundation are united, it becomes that much easier to bring the world into oneness. This also means that, from the broader viewpoint of the world, the world can be said to be an expansion of the four position foundation created by three people in complete unity. When you look upon this world, you see some people who boast of their intellect, or authority and power. In addition, financial power cannot be disregarded either. We could even say that these three kinds of power dominate the world. In the smaller sense, these powers can also be found within an individual, and from this viewpoint, if you were to understand, love, and cooperate with one another through dialogue, I see no reason why you all cannot make unity. (1984.10.24, Belvedere Training Center)
It is important for Unification Church members to live principled lives and it is also important to work hard to accomplish the missions that you have. The most important mission of the Unification Church is to protect Father's life, so that Father's physical presence on earth will continue for a long, long time. A message sent from a spiritualist from outside the church said that in December 1983 a very dangerous time would come for Father.
Spiritual revelations unanimously confirmed that Heung-jin became a sacrifice on behalf of Father. In order to save Father's life, Heung-jin went on his behalf. Even the number of terrorists who were aiming at Father was 36. Spiritualists are saying that 36 satanic spiritual agents took the life of Heung-jin. So when I reflect, I feel this is an absolute, final, incredible, extraordinary attack of all satanic forces.
When Heung-jin was born as the second son, he went through incredible trauma for three days. Some people thought Heung-jin would not make it at birth. He was going through the path of the cross even at his birth. But at his death I knew he was chosen to do a more sacred mission than anyone under the sun could think of-dying for the sake of Father.
Heung-jin knew that through his Seonghwa, the spirit world and the physical world can be more directly united with True Parents, and Heaven's blessing would come, which would speed up the completion of the providence, and that he could send his last comfort to Father and his older brother. He is not gone. He is working together with all of you. Think of Heung-jin's messages from the past and the present, and do your best to offer your filial hearts to Heaven. (1984.01.03, Belvedere Training Center)
Even when True Father collapsed under the indescribable weight of the cross on his shoulders, he emerged triumphant and proclaimed Pal Jeong Shik and Heavenly Fatherism in Alaska, and there were circumstances behind it all which are only known to Heaven.
As we say good-bye to grandmother Hong (Daemonim), I wish to ask something of you. She dedicated her entire life for God's Will, and gave up everything as a woman to meet the Lord during her lifetime and to attend and work for him. In fact, she even gave up the position of wife and mother to walk the path of the providence unwaveringly, and up to the last moment of her passing, she offered such serious devotions that only Heaven and she knew her sacrifice. When you think about her and remember the life she led, you should try to adopt her life of service as an example and a goal for your own lives and live accordingly.
You should take this moment as an opportunity to look back upon your own lives and consider whether you ever strayed from the path of the providence, whether you ever thought of yourselves first before you thought of the providence, and whether you ever took care of yourselves and paid attention to your own sorrows before you gave a thought to True Father's sorrowful course of suffering, and you should repent if you have done so. As the rain that falls down on the world cleans away all filth and makes everything clean, during this period you too should cleanse your body and mind of your own accord and clean yourselves of everything that should be cleaned and rid yourselves of everything that should be gotten rid of, thus renewing your own selves. You should send her off with such thoughts in your mind. (1989.11.05, Shinmun-ro Residence, Seoul)
A course of life-and-death struggles
When I was married at the age of 17, I resolved to do the best I could, no matter how difficult it might be, to achieve what God desired, the ideal He envisaged at the Creation, and to simplify all complicated matters and arrive at simple solutions. Heaven blessed us with many children, and I did my best in giving birth to them all. From 1972, when Father began his work in America, we had many difficulties. Communists followed Father wherever he went and interfered with his work, and there were many threats and dangers along the way. My nerves were on edge all the time. I had to travel by car constantly, so over a five-year period I had many miscarriages.
In 1975, Kwon-jin was born, and after that I gave birth to five more children. The doctor told me, "You should concern yourself with staying healthy for the children you have now. Why aren't you concerned about protecting your health?" From my point of view, however, I couldn't say I wanted to stop. An elder sister went up into the mountains for three days to pray especially for me. She returned and told me, "Mother! God says you should have 13 children.” Then I had Young-jin; I tried to give birth by natural delivery, but his head was large and it seemed I might die during childbirth. Father was in Germany, and the doctor said that both mother and baby would be in danger if a decision was not made in 30 minutes. I had no choice but to have a caesarean section, and so Young-jin was born. Once you have a caesarean section, you can't give birth by natural delivery. Therefore, I had to offer a special prayer to find out what God wanted me to do. Heaven confirmed that God was waiting for me to give Him 13 children. It was a surprising answer. After that, I had Hyung-jin, who is my seventh son, and including the last two daughters, I also have seven daughters. So I have given birth to 14 children, an equal number of boys and girls. (2011.03.04, Cheon Jeong Gung)
I hear a family with many children usually means between five and nine children. However, how many have I given birth to myself? True Parents are the ones who indemnified and restored human history, which had gone astray, to its original state. Isn't that so? That is why I had to match the number of my children to the providential number for the sake of family perfection. To give birth to 14 children within twenty years is virtually impossible. Having even one cesarean section is difficult, but I have had four. What made me do so, do you think? I did this to save you. Don't you think I am a mother you can be proud of? From this point alone, the satanic world cannot say anything against True Parents' achievements. (2015.04.26, Cheon Jeong Gung)
I have told you before about the resolution I made when I met True Father at the age of 17, haven't I? I resolved, "I will end this path that God has walked in suffering, this wearisome history of the providence of restoration through indemnity, in my lifetime. I will be the one to end it.” I was able to say this because I knew about God. I gave birth to many sons and daughters, and it is not easy to have your stomach cut open four times. I met someone the other day and asked him, "How many children do you have?" He answered he only had two. When I asked him why, he replied that he couldn't have any more because his wife gave birth through caesarean section. I, however, went through that four times, risking my life every time. I was determined to help God carry out His dream of creation.
Can you honestly say, "I will do it, no matter what difficulties come my way?" The being that I am does not exist as an independent being. God depends on me, as does humanity. You know why Jesus said he must come again, don't you? The same could have been true of True Father. It was made possible because I stood firm in my own position. (2013.01.07, Cheon Jeong Gung)
My life has been like an ocean. The ocean can generously embrace and unite with the sky and resemble its color. It is in the lowest place, where it accepts all the water of the world. The ocean embraces everything and conceives all life. In the ocean all varieties of living things are born and raised in abundance. Its tides ebb and flow in response to the pull of the moon and the changing seasons. It responds to the rays of the sun, creates water vapor and influences the weather. A calm ocean is peaceful on the surface, but deep inside enormous currents that move the ocean are constantly surging. When the waves of a tsunami rage, they can swallow everything. People cannot see the whirlpool beneath the surface. Heaven's providence has surged like a typhoon, and my life has unfolded in its midst. There are so many circumstances that cannot be spoken of, which only I understand from the center of the providence. Crossing over that whirlpool, not allowing it to pull me down, I joined Father in the work to complete the providential history of restoration. (2013.12.06, Cheon Jeong Gung)